The Decision to Skip 5th Grade

Yep, our oldest was just not fitting in.

I laugh at this cute picture. (Really he does not carry a fanny pack and wear an army hat everyday....this was just from a vacation where we were going to be walking a lot and couldn't use a backpack.)

But anyway, he was not fitting into this whole educational plan. It was the end of 4th grade now and we didn't feel as if things were working out. Yes, the school had been wonderful to try new things and give him opportunities that I'm sure they had never allowed others before. He was able to take subjects in higher grades and work more on his own with research projects, but it was still not smooth sailing. It was awkward going from grade to grade and he was still bored with the 4th grade subjects most of the time, and we already discussed how we didn't feel comfortable with the idea of him having to walk to the junior high school and back when he reached 6th grade, so what should we do?

Back when he was in Kindergarten and bored we thought about skipping him to first, but we never acted on it. Instead he tested into the separate school gifted program which he started in 1st grade. And while it was somewhat academically challenging, he was still advanced and suffering socially. What to do?

Moving him back to the regular school did not solve this problem. While he had friends at first, again he ended up bored and alone at the end of the year. There was no match for this poor kid. The split grade thing was OK, but it was just hard to transition back and forth all the time.

So,
we decided to again ask the school about having him skip a grade.

Last year they had decided against it because of social reasons mostly, but by the year's end, it went to show that it didn't really matter. While before he was happy academically but not socially at the gifted school, here he was happy socially but not academically, but now once again he was miserable both academically and socially. There was no winning. We knew we couldn't control his happiness social wise. He was a different kid, and maybe he just wasn't going to fit in no matter what. But, we could help with the academic happiness. Why not skip a grade?

OK, now this is a big issue, and yes, a lot of people tend to freak out.

What about sports? What about maturity level? What about when they get older in high school?

Well, our oldest hates all sports and does not have any desire to try out for any sports teams, so no worries there. I don't suppose he is immature, but I don't think he is fitting in socially where he is anyway. It has been a long 5 years with still little friends if any. And, high school? Hmmm.....I don't know. All I do know is that our son was super smart, and the only time I could kind of see him happy was when he was being challenged and really learning at school.

He was plenty smart enough. Remember the school had tested him last year and basically told me he was smart enough for college classes or what not, but now when we approached the school again they were leaning against it. It raised too many "red flags" they said. It wouldn't be a good idea. But what would? Let him be challenged and let him be happy at least somewhat without all the trauma of having to change classes and split between grades to miss this or that. We just wanted him to be in a stable classroom where he could take all his subjects and not have to travel to another school in 6th grade.

So, we met with the Principal and the psychologist and discussed our proposition. They were hesitant, and the school psychologist told us she didn't think it would do what we thought it would do for my son. I'm not sure what she thought we were thinking, but it just seemed to make sense to us.

And no, maybe it wouldn't solve his boredom problem, and sure, it probably wouldn't help with things socially, but then what else would? We had tried so many things, different schools, different gifted programs, split grades, extra type work options, etc....but things were still not great. Why not at least help him to feel stable in a single classroom? He deserved it. He already had passed 5th grade math and knew most of the other subjects. Why have him repeat it?

So we waited anxiously over the last few days of school to see what the Principal would decide. I don't know what we worried about more---his decision being no or his decision being yes. Either way, it was going to be hard to take in.

The second to last day of school the Principal emailed my husband and told him they had agreed to the grade promotion. My little 10 year old would now be a 6th grader the following year!

Now came the stress and worry and wondering if we made the right decision. It seems like it would have been so much easier if they had just skipped him back in Kindergarten. This was all turning into a mess. Now it seemed so dramatic to go from 9-10 year old classmates to 11-12. We didn't want him to miss anything, so we looked up 5th grade curriculum and had him study all of 5th grade science and history over the summer just so we could know he had experienced it before going onto 6th.

Summer was long, but not long enough. 6th grade was coming, and we worried still if this was going to be good or bad. This hadn't been our decision. Our oldest had expressed his desire to be in one set class and he wanted to be more challenged. It was a joint decision, but I think he was a little nervous as well.

Gifted in Music

While my cute gifted kids have amazed me with how much they know and how fast they read, it has always amazed me the most how easily they pick up learning a musical instrument.

Maybe it is because of their giftedness that it is so easy for them. I don't know. I know different kids can be gifted in different areas. It just keeps surprising me at how much these kids can accomplish. Maybe I am just jealous. I wish I could master an instrument.

Our cute little piano player is 7 years old now and about to compete in his first University piano competition this week. Here he is playing his pieces at a "practice recital"

And while he has always amazed me teaching himself to play the piano at only 4 years old, (he has been taking piano lessons now for a year with a wonderful teacher), I am now also amazed by my oldest son. He picked up a guitar and we let him start guitar lessons. After just 3 months he is able to play like this:

How do these kids do it? I mean it just seems to come so natural to them! I guess I love that their giftedness can spread from the classroom and go to the arts as well.

A Gifted Child in a Regular School--Making it Work?

Can it work? We had sacrificed higher academics for hopes of a better social life for our oldest, but was it worth it?

Yes, for once our child was happy and had friends, but now we were back to the happy socially, but bored academically. Could we never have the best of both worlds?

We were in a regular elementary school with no gifted program to speak of. Because of budget cuts, the pull out gifted program that was once there had been all discontinued. Unless in the magnet program at another school (which we had just given up), there was nothing out there for gifted students.

Or was there?

After the school psychologist completed all these tests and had basically told us he was far above his peers, they had proposed a plan to challenge him more. It all sounded good, but was it really going to happen? They said they would allow him to go into the next grade math, and as far as the other subjects, he would have extra activities, research projects, and his own computer to use. So, did this happen, and what did he think of it?

For a while it may have been working. He was loving math where he would go to a 5th grade class and do math there. That was his favorite part of the day because he was actually learning something new.

The other parts of the day he would finish his reading or work before the others and so he would just start creating power point presentations going more in detail on whatever subject his 4th grade class was learning. This was OK for a while, but often he would mess up on the saving in the computer part and all his work would be lost, or his teacher would forget to remind him things, or he would just plain forget he could do that and so usually it was still boredom.

Soon he began coming home in tears because schedules were not matching up. 4th grade was doing one thing, but he needed to be in 5th grade when they did math, but sometimes they changed things around, and then he'd miss something and it would cause major drama.

The school's plans were to continue placing him in one grade but having him do math in a higher grade, so eventually they would have him walk to the junior high school when he enters 6th grade to take 7th grade math. That seemed a little complicated. How was that going to work out schedule wise? And was that safe?

Letting him use his own little laptop seemed great and nice and all, but was he really being challenged, or was he just being given busy work or fillers so he would have something else to do besides read when he finished ahead of the others? He was still telling me that he already knew the stuff they were teaching most of the time.

It was great that this school was actually making an effort and trying to make things work for a gifted child, but I don't know if this was the answer just yet. We waited and observed, but things weren't looking good. By the end of the school year he had no friendships to speak of, and again he was bored academically. Once again we began looking for other options.