Social Struggles for Our Gifted Children

Look at these cute kids. They seem like pretty decent, friendly, likable kids, don't they? Well, that may be true, but what happens when they are a bit different from the other kids their age, or when they are in school with kids years older than them? How do things work out then?

Sometimes it has made me laugh how my kids have thought in the past how all kids their age or size should be interested or be able to do the same things that they can do. I remember #2 having playdates when he was 5 and just assumed that the other kids would know how to play the piano or read like him, like it was just a normal thing that every kid did. I laughed as I watched him one day asking the other child, just 4 year old what songs he played on the piano and what books he liked to read. He didn't understand that other kids didn't do these same things.

I've watched my oldest kind of regress socially at times to fit in. Before he had skipped grades he so wanted to fit in with his peers. I would watch him try to interact with other kids his age and when they were bored with all his scientific explanations or discussions on rocks, mineral, or types of insects, he would soon give up and start jumping around shouting exploding noises or just being plain annoying. I didn't understand this for a time, but it seemed to him the only way he could get kids his age to pay any attention to him. It didn't seem right though.

I watched my Kindergartner, though much more outgoing than my boys, run and say hello to every child at school calling them by name and explaining to them how to do everything and how to act and do their best while they all looked at her like, "why is this girl talking to me?"

It's been interesting. I guess my kids didn't always fit in with their peers then, but what about now that they have all skipped a grade?

Well, #1 has had an interesting year. I think he has gained a certain level of respect from the other kids just because they know he was smart enough to skip a grade. Although he may still be a little odd, which more or less comes from his Asperger's Syndrome, I believe that he is accepted as who he is and other will let him into their groups. Although I'm not sure if he has found any really close friends or developed any lasting relationships with kids at school, I do believe they all allow him to have input on their conversations and he feels happy with where he is. I am glad that with this group of peers I have not seen the need for him to act immature and stupid to get attention from these older kids. I do worry as he nears Junior High this next year that his interests will not match up to the other kids in his grade. They most likely will have started to like girls, while he is still into Pokemon, Star Wars, or legos.

#2 has always been my kind of clueless one. He just thinks everyone is his friend. What a wonderful attitude I guess, but somewhat funny that he thinks the whole school is his friend. It wasn't until his birthday party that we realized just how clueless he was. He invited so many kids and they all came, but as we watched the way they interacted, none of them but maybe 1 really cared that they were there for him. No one really wanted to play with him or talk to him. They were all happy to be at a party, yes, but they could have cared less it was his party. It was strange. But more strange was how different in personality they all were. Maybe it is just a wild bunch he is with this year, and yes they are all a year older than he, but they just wanted to run around and tear apart everything. #2 wanted to have a "piano party" but I had to talk him out of it a bit because it involved what he wanted all his friends to be around him while he played songs on the piano and I just didn't think a bunch of 8-9 year olds would care much for that.
I'm glad for his good spirits, and according to his teacher, "everyone loves him" so I don't worry, for I think he is very respected at his school just for his musical talent rather, but I hope he stays happy and thinking everyone is his friend. I do wonder how much longer can go on with his interests so different from the other kids in his class. Much younger too.

Now #3 is really different from her brothers in that she really is very social and just loves everyone. She makes friends with everyone and although sometimes surprised and questioning at first, most of the kids accept her very well and become her friend not mattering how old they are. She has seemed to be able to maintain her old Kindergarten friends which she sees at lunch recess, as well as made several new 1st grade friends. She has only been in 1st grade a couple of months and already been invited to 2 birthday parties. She seems to be doing great! It still astonishes me as I take her to these parties and her classmates are turning 7 years old while she still won't be turning 6 until the end of the school year! But they all seem to get along and they seem to be on her level. She is so happy. I am glad. I wish the boys were as social and easy going as she was.

Who is to know what will happen as the years go by. Will it really be that big of deal come junior high and high school for their age difference? For #2 and #3 who both skipped Kindergarten, I do not think it will matter as much because it will almost seem as if it always was. But for #1 who grade skipping is more recent and will enter Junior High next year as an 11 year old, it seems a little shaky. Only time will tell.

We still wait to see what is in store for our little 3 year old. Maybe we can have just 1 child be "normal" and go through school "normally". Whatever that means!