The Big Decision

If you read the last post, then you see we have been having some mixed feelings about the full time gifted program that we put our kids into. Why can't schools have the resources for kids that are a little more advanced? It's not like they don't have the material. There are grades 1-6 in an elementary school, and so why can't a more advanced kid just do the material from that of an older grade?

I recently read an article weighing out the pros and cons of skipping grades. A couple of comments raised my attention. Someone asked why we have grades at all? Why do we have to trap students into grade levels by age or by birthday? Why can't we just group students in levels based on abilities? This would work especially for those that may be gifted in one subject, but struggling in another.

It makes perfect sense to me, but why don't we do that? You are never going to have a class of all 6 year olds who have the same abilities and knowledge. I know they passed this whole "No Child Left Behind Act" several years ago aimed at helping kids that were falling behind in the classroom, but it seems as if no one has ever figured out how to help kids that are ahead.

Sure, they have these gifted programs, but in our case there is one full time program that is at a school not close by and that does not offer bus transportation. So if you're going to go then you must figure out the driving.

Budget cuts forced all if any in school gifted pull out programs in our district to be ended and discontinued. That is sad isn't it? It's sad that there are hardly any music or art programs continuing in public schools today. It's interesting that in other countries, many schools focus highly in the arts.

So where does that leave us?

Well, after all our struggling over the past years with trying to figure out what is best, we made the decision to pull both our kids out of the full time gifted program at an away school and put them back into regular old public school in our neighborhood.

With this comes many feelings of guilt and worry. Is this the right thing? Did we mess things up? I don't think there will ever be a right place for our kids while they are young as far as schooling. I want them to be emotionally and socially happy as well as academically challenged enough to keep them happy, but these seem impossible to go together.

Before we were more concerned on the academics and letting our kids live up to all they can do and learn. Let them learn at their pace and not have to wait and be bored. But all the things it entails with driving to another school, not having friends, not knowing anyone, and then tons of homework just doesn't seem worth it to me.

Plus, why can't our kids just be kids? They will have a time for intense study, for intense stress and worry. Why give that to a 2nd and 4th grader?

Now our kids are in regular classes probably doing math they completed a year ago or maybe doing a lot easier things, but what can we do? We're not going to skip our 6 year old any more grades. We want him to be a kid! I suppose we could skip our 9 almost 10 year old a grade, but we don't have plans of that unless we are approached, and then we can make the decision.

So here we are on a different road. It will be interesting to see what happens. Our 2 boys started school this past Monday, and so far I am waiting to hear.

Stuck. Was This Really What it was Cracked up to Be?

Stuck. That's what we are. Stuck.

We started this whole full time gifted program for our oldest because he was so bored and miserable at school. He was far advanced than his peers and we knew he needed more to what he was doing in his school at the time.

We had our cute little 5 year old skip Kindergarten, throwing him right into this 1st/2nd grade gifted program also because he was at a level higher than his brother was at the same age.

We thought it would be good. Older brother seemed to love it the first 2 years. The teacher was great and she really let the kids learn things more in depth if they were interested.

Then 3rd grade happened and the teacher was different. It was more book reports, busy work, and tons and tons of homework. It seemed like she just wanted to see how fast the students could get everything done in a workbook. Our oldest came home everyday from school just hating school again and anything that went with it. His love for learning was gone. He was just so concerned with having to get everything done as fast as possible and there wasn't much time to go more in depth in things like in the previous years.

Now, I'm not there in the classroom, and I don't know exactly what goes on, but this is just from what my kids tell me. His teacher is a good teacher, her approach is just different. He will have the same teacher next year.

Now, younger brother does love it, and he had a great time his first year. I'm sure he'll have a great time this next year, but what happens after that?

Another issue we are facing is that in this program they are with the same group of kids for 6 years. The kids all test into this program and pretty much stay give or take a few drop out or a few test in at later grades. This can be a good, yet bad thing at the same time.

It's good that all the kids will know one another, but what about meeting new people? And what if they never quite find their niche in this group of peers? What if they don't really fit in or make any close friends? By the end of 2nd grade, if they haven't found a friend, then there isn't much chance of all the little friend groups opening up to include someone new.

We have found this with our oldest. Now, yes, he has Asperger's, and so social things come a little more difficult to him, but he still wants and needs to have friends. He is a good kid and he can have friends, but he has not found a very good friend circle in this program. He has maybe 3 people who he considers friends in the grade above him, but then the next year they move on to another class and a younger group comes in below him which he has no friends. He doesn't seem to have any friends in his grade level. So he is stuck the 2nd year of each teacher's class to being depressed and lonely.

Younger brother doesn't seem to have a solid friendship group yet, but I don't think he really cares or knows yet. He's loving school, but what if he doesn't find his place later?

And what happens when younger brother gets into 3rd grade into super busywork class and starts to hate school like older brother? Is it worth it?

So, what do we do?

I know older brother would be bored in a regular classroom, but he wouldn't be having the life sucked out of him, and in another school he would have the opportunity to meet new and different kids being that you don't always have the same teacher and sometimes they split classes for subjects. He already goes to church with some kids that go to the regular school. He would know some kids.

Younger brother I'm sure would do fine wherever. We already skipped him Kindergarten. I'm sure he would be fine and not be bored, but he seems happy at his brother's school right now and with his teacher.

And, what to do when sisters start school? At this point we have decided to start sister at the regular school when she is 5. I suppose if she shows some sort of super giftedness in that year that we might choose other options, but right now it seems easiest.

I think, what if we just got our 2 boys out of the gifted program at the other school after this next year and then all 3 of our school aged kids could go to the same school? Wouldn't that be easiest? And maybe the oldest would be bored, but I'd rather he be bored than learning to hate school and being depressed. Most things he learns from reading or watching science/math shows at home anyway.

But, here we are. Stuck. We've asked our boys repeatedly if they'd like to go to the regular school, and they tell us no. I think it is a more fear of change. And I suppose after this next year our oldest will have a new teacher for 5th and 6th grade, and maybe she'll have a more fitting teaching way for the way he learns. Maybe. Maybe not. I know I don't want younger brother's spirit to be crushed when he gets into 3rd grade.

Here's a picture of all our cute kids:

They look so happy, so full of potential. We want to do what is best for them to have a good experience academic and socially. The problem is figuring out what works best. We're learning that often having a gifted child doesn't pan out socially. What use is being smart if you don't have friends, or like learning, or feel accepted?

I guess we will start into this new school year and see what comes. I know we will be making some big decisions as the the next school year comes to an end, if not sooner.

Summer Math and Science Camp

Recently a gal came into my work wanting to put up a flyer advertising for a free Math and Science day camp. Free? This sounded a little too good to be true. I guess it is a private/charter school that is looking to attract new students, so sure, it was a free camp for a week.

I thought right away that my oldest would absolutely love this being that all he has been doing lately is watching the history or discovery channel. The only problem was that it was advertised for 11 to 15 year olds, and my oldest was only 9.

Hmmm.......he's smart enough. I know he would love it. So, off to camp we went this week. I told him if anyone asked him how old he was, that he was 11. Of course, my good honest son looked at me in confusion and said, "No, I'm not." And I thought. And then I said, "Well, just tell them you're smart as an 11 year old." And that was that.

After the first day I went to pick him up and the coordinator stopped me in the hallway. "So, is he home schooled?" She asked.

Hmmm......home schooled? I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult, like if that was a good thing to be or not, but she went on explaining she knew he wasn't as old as the other kids but he was so smart. She said he was in there right in the middle of the other kids doing 7th grade math and answering all the science questions as if he knew all the answers.

I guess she was just saying how she was surprised he was so smart in just a regular school setting. I told her he was in a full time gifted program, but actually when I think about it, he hasn't really learned all that he knows from school. Anything he knows is from reading or stuff he's learned at home. I know he's got that super memory where he remembers everything to the word of anything that he's ever read.

It is only day 2 of camp and he is loving every minute of it. Funny how math and science camp is the last place I'd like to be, but for my oldest one he is just in heaven. Experiments, logic, thinking, and problems are what he loves. I hope he continues to have this love and it takes him to great places.