Stuck. Was This Really What it was Cracked up to Be?

Stuck. That's what we are. Stuck.

We started this whole full time gifted program for our oldest because he was so bored and miserable at school. He was far advanced than his peers and we knew he needed more to what he was doing in his school at the time.

We had our cute little 5 year old skip Kindergarten, throwing him right into this 1st/2nd grade gifted program also because he was at a level higher than his brother was at the same age.

We thought it would be good. Older brother seemed to love it the first 2 years. The teacher was great and she really let the kids learn things more in depth if they were interested.

Then 3rd grade happened and the teacher was different. It was more book reports, busy work, and tons and tons of homework. It seemed like she just wanted to see how fast the students could get everything done in a workbook. Our oldest came home everyday from school just hating school again and anything that went with it. His love for learning was gone. He was just so concerned with having to get everything done as fast as possible and there wasn't much time to go more in depth in things like in the previous years.

Now, I'm not there in the classroom, and I don't know exactly what goes on, but this is just from what my kids tell me. His teacher is a good teacher, her approach is just different. He will have the same teacher next year.

Now, younger brother does love it, and he had a great time his first year. I'm sure he'll have a great time this next year, but what happens after that?

Another issue we are facing is that in this program they are with the same group of kids for 6 years. The kids all test into this program and pretty much stay give or take a few drop out or a few test in at later grades. This can be a good, yet bad thing at the same time.

It's good that all the kids will know one another, but what about meeting new people? And what if they never quite find their niche in this group of peers? What if they don't really fit in or make any close friends? By the end of 2nd grade, if they haven't found a friend, then there isn't much chance of all the little friend groups opening up to include someone new.

We have found this with our oldest. Now, yes, he has Asperger's, and so social things come a little more difficult to him, but he still wants and needs to have friends. He is a good kid and he can have friends, but he has not found a very good friend circle in this program. He has maybe 3 people who he considers friends in the grade above him, but then the next year they move on to another class and a younger group comes in below him which he has no friends. He doesn't seem to have any friends in his grade level. So he is stuck the 2nd year of each teacher's class to being depressed and lonely.

Younger brother doesn't seem to have a solid friendship group yet, but I don't think he really cares or knows yet. He's loving school, but what if he doesn't find his place later?

And what happens when younger brother gets into 3rd grade into super busywork class and starts to hate school like older brother? Is it worth it?

So, what do we do?

I know older brother would be bored in a regular classroom, but he wouldn't be having the life sucked out of him, and in another school he would have the opportunity to meet new and different kids being that you don't always have the same teacher and sometimes they split classes for subjects. He already goes to church with some kids that go to the regular school. He would know some kids.

Younger brother I'm sure would do fine wherever. We already skipped him Kindergarten. I'm sure he would be fine and not be bored, but he seems happy at his brother's school right now and with his teacher.

And, what to do when sisters start school? At this point we have decided to start sister at the regular school when she is 5. I suppose if she shows some sort of super giftedness in that year that we might choose other options, but right now it seems easiest.

I think, what if we just got our 2 boys out of the gifted program at the other school after this next year and then all 3 of our school aged kids could go to the same school? Wouldn't that be easiest? And maybe the oldest would be bored, but I'd rather he be bored than learning to hate school and being depressed. Most things he learns from reading or watching science/math shows at home anyway.

But, here we are. Stuck. We've asked our boys repeatedly if they'd like to go to the regular school, and they tell us no. I think it is a more fear of change. And I suppose after this next year our oldest will have a new teacher for 5th and 6th grade, and maybe she'll have a more fitting teaching way for the way he learns. Maybe. Maybe not. I know I don't want younger brother's spirit to be crushed when he gets into 3rd grade.

Here's a picture of all our cute kids:

They look so happy, so full of potential. We want to do what is best for them to have a good experience academic and socially. The problem is figuring out what works best. We're learning that often having a gifted child doesn't pan out socially. What use is being smart if you don't have friends, or like learning, or feel accepted?

I guess we will start into this new school year and see what comes. I know we will be making some big decisions as the the next school year comes to an end, if not sooner.