Mature Academically, but Still a Little Kid

Our little girl is now in 2nd grade, a 6 year old with those who are mostly 7 turning 8.  It's crazy to think that there are many kids older than she who are just beginning 1st grade, while here she is in 2nd.  Where did the time go?  We worry that the time will come too soon where she won't want to be a little girl anymore.  Gone will be the times of my little ponies and princesses and the only thing important will be teen pop sensations, preteen books, makeup and fashion.  But how long can we hold off?  

One thing about our daughter, unlike our sons who have skipped grades, is that she is a social butterfly.  She just loves everyone and they all love her.  She still has friends from the short time she was in Kindergarten, and then she has so many friends in her new grade level.  She is never at a loss for play dates.  In fact, it is often that we have mom's knocking at our van window or calling to set up play dates with Jewelia.

While there are so many girls about 8 years old in her class who have began to change their interests, it is nice to see a few who are still young at heart.  On a recent play date, we were indeed happy as we saw that the little girl walking home with us to play had Dora the Explorer shoes on, and even happier when she wanted to push little baby doll strollers around outside.  I'm glad that some kids can still be kids.  

It seems like most kids are growing up way too fast.  I suppose it's easy when you have older brothers or sisters as an influence, but even then some kids who are an only child can move on to more adult interests a little sooner than they used to.  

As our kids have skipped grades and it sometimes feels like they've been pushed ahead to be older, we still think it is important that they can still be a kid.  It is interesting to see them reading, writing, and figuring out math problems way beyond their same aged peers, but then when it comes down to the simpleness of playing games and having fun, it doesn't matter so much.  

It will be interesting to see what happens as they get older.  Will they be forced to grow up too fast, or will they be lucky and find some friends who enjoy their time just being a kid? 

An 11 Year Old in Junior High

Here's my oldest son.  He thinks he's pretty cool here. 

 I'd say he was around 4 years old at the time. 

Well, it's been a long road, and now he is 11, and starting Junior High School for the first time. 

Will he be so cool now that he is a tiny little 11 year old amongst Junior High School kids who are mostly ages 12 and a half to 15 years old? 

It wasn't such a big deal to skip 5th grade and go into 6th grade at an elementary school with kids mostly younger than he, but now he has moved up and all the kids are older. 

Older and bigger. 

Much much bigger.

During the first week of school sometime I walked a short distance from the junior high school just in time to see him getting out of school to walk home.

Yeah, I suppose I was spying a bit, but I stood behind a tree from a pretty far distance away and tried to act casual.  Ha!

Anyway, out comes all these kids, these HUGE kids, these old looking, mature looking kids, and then I see my boy.  Yep, he's that one about 2 feet shorter than the rest, the skinny one.  And I'm not comparing him to the other boys.  It's the girls who are towering above him.  The boys are probably much taller.

Oh, he looked so out of place.  But so what.  So.  How is this year really going to go?  Will he like it?  Is he glad to be here instead of Elementary School?  Is he sorry he skipped?  Will he fit in?

So far, he is doing quite well academically.  Well, he always has. 

Socially?

Well, remember this is the boy who has Asperger's syndrome, and although his elementary school psychologist said there were many "red flags" for not wanting him to skip grades, we still pushed to make it happen, and he did well in 6th grade.  The kids were nicer. 

I've asked him about friends at Junior High. 

He tells me everyday he eats lunch with a certain boy who they don't even share any classes with, so I suppose the boy must want to hang out with him and not just out of coincidence. 

He even tried out for the Junior High Jazz Band and made it!  That's my boy!  Just a little 11 year old who still managed to win a spot in an audition only jazz band where the other kids are mostly 8th and 9th graders.  Kudos to him!

It is a little stressful to me seeing that I don't have much control over the boy anymore.  It's a little nerve racking knowing that he is on his own in a way at such a young age.  It seems like he's had to grow up so fast, and yet as I think about it, he's always been so grown up all these years.  Even there at age 4, I remember the way he talked to me just wasn't normal compared to other kids.  It's hard to explain. 

I still want to allow him the time and not miss out on things because of his early Junior High enrollment.  I'm pretty sure a lot of the kids end all dressing up and trick or treating for Halloween by Junior High time, but I don't think that's fair for him to lose a year.  Although he's not going to dress up for school (I doubt that would be too cool in Junior High School), he still has plans to dress up at home and go trick or treating.  It's only fair, and he should get to enjoy all the trick or treating years he can! 

Only time will tell how these next few years go.  Will he ever get that growth spurt to catch up with the others?  Will he gain some meat on his bones?  Will the other kids be able to see past his tiny size and young age?  Will he be considered an equal?  A peer? 

Hoping You Are Not an "Evil Mommy" while Doing What is Best for Your Gifted Child

Being the parent of a gifted child can be difficult. You are faced with so many tough decisions regarding what you should do or where you should school your child. And as you are trying to figure things out everyone else sure has their opinions to express. Often they are not so nice. This is where we begin to feel like terrible parents.

We have had to make so many decisions for our 3 gifted kids, and each time we honestly aren't sure if it is going to be the right thing. Is anyone ever positively sure?

We've tried "enhanced" curriculum or what the schools call "enrichment" to give extra work or challenge to the kids.

We've done the full time gifted program.

We've done the split grades thing.

We've tried not caring so much what they are doing at school and teaching them at home.

We've tried opening other opportunities to them outside of just academics like getting them more involved in the arts to keep them less bored.

And then in the end we've skipped all 3 of them up a grade.

Now, is this evil? Well, according to many many others, you would think we were cursing our children for life.

Just recently when deciding whether or not we should skip our daughter into 1st Grade, we got quite a lot of comments.

They would say, "Oh, you are robbing your kid's childhood!"
Now come on--how is putting my child in 1st grade "robbing their childhood"? It's not like I'm sending them to military school or making them get a job! So they go to school a little longer and do a little more challenging work at their level. Would it be better if we just let them sit home and watch tv all day? Is that giving them more of a childhood?

Or for my 10 year old who just skipped 5th grade, how many comments we received over that. There are so many people that have told us that skipping grades is absolutely the worst thing you can do to a kid and that they will surely hate us later when they are older and have such an awful social life.

Now, yes, skipping grades is a big deal, and I do look ahead and see my kids being very very young high schoolers, especially my little girl who is now in 1st grade as a 5 year old who will not turn 6 until the very end of the year. It is weird to know that she is in 1st grade right now with kids 2 years older in some cases. That's a big difference.

It's hard to see my 10 year old be in 6th grade knowing he will be in Junior High next year and seeing all the other older kids towering above him or so much more physically mature.

It's hard to see my just turned 8 year old in 3rd grade with kids that don't share the same interests as him because of his age.

So, yes, maybe I'm an evil mommy, but we really have had to weigh over all the pros and cons and when we've tried so many things, this seemed only to be the next option.

I don't believe so much that skipping your child grades will ruin them. I think every child is different and an individual.

Well, as we get the ugly looks and the murmurs behind our backs about how we did such a horrible thing to skip our kids grades, we hang on and hope that things will work out for the best. Maybe it's not the best thing to do for all children, but for our kids, we're giving it a try. True, all most parents want is to see their kids happy. With our kids, being happy has a lot to do with being challenged at school.

The Decision to Skip 5th Grade

Yep, our oldest was just not fitting in.

I laugh at this cute picture. (Really he does not carry a fanny pack and wear an army hat everyday....this was just from a vacation where we were going to be walking a lot and couldn't use a backpack.)

But anyway, he was not fitting into this whole educational plan. It was the end of 4th grade now and we didn't feel as if things were working out. Yes, the school had been wonderful to try new things and give him opportunities that I'm sure they had never allowed others before. He was able to take subjects in higher grades and work more on his own with research projects, but it was still not smooth sailing. It was awkward going from grade to grade and he was still bored with the 4th grade subjects most of the time, and we already discussed how we didn't feel comfortable with the idea of him having to walk to the junior high school and back when he reached 6th grade, so what should we do?

Back when he was in Kindergarten and bored we thought about skipping him to first, but we never acted on it. Instead he tested into the separate school gifted program which he started in 1st grade. And while it was somewhat academically challenging, he was still advanced and suffering socially. What to do?

Moving him back to the regular school did not solve this problem. While he had friends at first, again he ended up bored and alone at the end of the year. There was no match for this poor kid. The split grade thing was OK, but it was just hard to transition back and forth all the time.

So,
we decided to again ask the school about having him skip a grade.

Last year they had decided against it because of social reasons mostly, but by the year's end, it went to show that it didn't really matter. While before he was happy academically but not socially at the gifted school, here he was happy socially but not academically, but now once again he was miserable both academically and socially. There was no winning. We knew we couldn't control his happiness social wise. He was a different kid, and maybe he just wasn't going to fit in no matter what. But, we could help with the academic happiness. Why not skip a grade?

OK, now this is a big issue, and yes, a lot of people tend to freak out.

What about sports? What about maturity level? What about when they get older in high school?

Well, our oldest hates all sports and does not have any desire to try out for any sports teams, so no worries there. I don't suppose he is immature, but I don't think he is fitting in socially where he is anyway. It has been a long 5 years with still little friends if any. And, high school? Hmmm.....I don't know. All I do know is that our son was super smart, and the only time I could kind of see him happy was when he was being challenged and really learning at school.

He was plenty smart enough. Remember the school had tested him last year and basically told me he was smart enough for college classes or what not, but now when we approached the school again they were leaning against it. It raised too many "red flags" they said. It wouldn't be a good idea. But what would? Let him be challenged and let him be happy at least somewhat without all the trauma of having to change classes and split between grades to miss this or that. We just wanted him to be in a stable classroom where he could take all his subjects and not have to travel to another school in 6th grade.

So, we met with the Principal and the psychologist and discussed our proposition. They were hesitant, and the school psychologist told us she didn't think it would do what we thought it would do for my son. I'm not sure what she thought we were thinking, but it just seemed to make sense to us.

And no, maybe it wouldn't solve his boredom problem, and sure, it probably wouldn't help with things socially, but then what else would? We had tried so many things, different schools, different gifted programs, split grades, extra type work options, etc....but things were still not great. Why not at least help him to feel stable in a single classroom? He deserved it. He already had passed 5th grade math and knew most of the other subjects. Why have him repeat it?

So we waited anxiously over the last few days of school to see what the Principal would decide. I don't know what we worried about more---his decision being no or his decision being yes. Either way, it was going to be hard to take in.

The second to last day of school the Principal emailed my husband and told him they had agreed to the grade promotion. My little 10 year old would now be a 6th grader the following year!

Now came the stress and worry and wondering if we made the right decision. It seems like it would have been so much easier if they had just skipped him back in Kindergarten. This was all turning into a mess. Now it seemed so dramatic to go from 9-10 year old classmates to 11-12. We didn't want him to miss anything, so we looked up 5th grade curriculum and had him study all of 5th grade science and history over the summer just so we could know he had experienced it before going onto 6th.

Summer was long, but not long enough. 6th grade was coming, and we worried still if this was going to be good or bad. This hadn't been our decision. Our oldest had expressed his desire to be in one set class and he wanted to be more challenged. It was a joint decision, but I think he was a little nervous as well.

Stuck. Was This Really What it was Cracked up to Be?

Stuck. That's what we are. Stuck.

We started this whole full time gifted program for our oldest because he was so bored and miserable at school. He was far advanced than his peers and we knew he needed more to what he was doing in his school at the time.

We had our cute little 5 year old skip Kindergarten, throwing him right into this 1st/2nd grade gifted program also because he was at a level higher than his brother was at the same age.

We thought it would be good. Older brother seemed to love it the first 2 years. The teacher was great and she really let the kids learn things more in depth if they were interested.

Then 3rd grade happened and the teacher was different. It was more book reports, busy work, and tons and tons of homework. It seemed like she just wanted to see how fast the students could get everything done in a workbook. Our oldest came home everyday from school just hating school again and anything that went with it. His love for learning was gone. He was just so concerned with having to get everything done as fast as possible and there wasn't much time to go more in depth in things like in the previous years.

Now, I'm not there in the classroom, and I don't know exactly what goes on, but this is just from what my kids tell me. His teacher is a good teacher, her approach is just different. He will have the same teacher next year.

Now, younger brother does love it, and he had a great time his first year. I'm sure he'll have a great time this next year, but what happens after that?

Another issue we are facing is that in this program they are with the same group of kids for 6 years. The kids all test into this program and pretty much stay give or take a few drop out or a few test in at later grades. This can be a good, yet bad thing at the same time.

It's good that all the kids will know one another, but what about meeting new people? And what if they never quite find their niche in this group of peers? What if they don't really fit in or make any close friends? By the end of 2nd grade, if they haven't found a friend, then there isn't much chance of all the little friend groups opening up to include someone new.

We have found this with our oldest. Now, yes, he has Asperger's, and so social things come a little more difficult to him, but he still wants and needs to have friends. He is a good kid and he can have friends, but he has not found a very good friend circle in this program. He has maybe 3 people who he considers friends in the grade above him, but then the next year they move on to another class and a younger group comes in below him which he has no friends. He doesn't seem to have any friends in his grade level. So he is stuck the 2nd year of each teacher's class to being depressed and lonely.

Younger brother doesn't seem to have a solid friendship group yet, but I don't think he really cares or knows yet. He's loving school, but what if he doesn't find his place later?

And what happens when younger brother gets into 3rd grade into super busywork class and starts to hate school like older brother? Is it worth it?

So, what do we do?

I know older brother would be bored in a regular classroom, but he wouldn't be having the life sucked out of him, and in another school he would have the opportunity to meet new and different kids being that you don't always have the same teacher and sometimes they split classes for subjects. He already goes to church with some kids that go to the regular school. He would know some kids.

Younger brother I'm sure would do fine wherever. We already skipped him Kindergarten. I'm sure he would be fine and not be bored, but he seems happy at his brother's school right now and with his teacher.

And, what to do when sisters start school? At this point we have decided to start sister at the regular school when she is 5. I suppose if she shows some sort of super giftedness in that year that we might choose other options, but right now it seems easiest.

I think, what if we just got our 2 boys out of the gifted program at the other school after this next year and then all 3 of our school aged kids could go to the same school? Wouldn't that be easiest? And maybe the oldest would be bored, but I'd rather he be bored than learning to hate school and being depressed. Most things he learns from reading or watching science/math shows at home anyway.

But, here we are. Stuck. We've asked our boys repeatedly if they'd like to go to the regular school, and they tell us no. I think it is a more fear of change. And I suppose after this next year our oldest will have a new teacher for 5th and 6th grade, and maybe she'll have a more fitting teaching way for the way he learns. Maybe. Maybe not. I know I don't want younger brother's spirit to be crushed when he gets into 3rd grade.

Here's a picture of all our cute kids:

They look so happy, so full of potential. We want to do what is best for them to have a good experience academic and socially. The problem is figuring out what works best. We're learning that often having a gifted child doesn't pan out socially. What use is being smart if you don't have friends, or like learning, or feel accepted?

I guess we will start into this new school year and see what comes. I know we will be making some big decisions as the the next school year comes to an end, if not sooner.

6 Years Old, Finished with 1st Grade, Are We Ready for 2nd?

Well, our little 6 year old finished the school year. He's actually going to be in 2nd grade next year! How is that going to be?

It's been interesting to watch him this past year so small and so young in his classroom of 6-8 year olds when he started out as a 5 year old who was supposed to be just in Kindergarten.

How did he do?
Well, academically he was perfect. He had all good marks and scores.
Behavior-wise he was also great. His teacher raved at how much everyone loved him.
Socially he seemed alright. He told me he had some friends and I watched him with his classmates.

But now, the big question is developmentally, how is he there? This is the one that will take some time. Sure he is smart and creative and friendly, but then here is an about to be 2nd grader who just barely figured out how to tie shoes and not very well. He can kind of ride a 2 wheeler bike, but he still can't start by himself. He still likes Sesame Street and Elmo's World, and he is still pretty clueless to how the world is.

I know this was a big issue when we were debating skipping him Kindergarten, but I think he will catch up in the end. I see all he has accomplished this year in school and I can't imagine what he would have been doing still coloring pictures about the ABC's in Kindergarten. I've seen him along his classmates and he is still pretty far advanced than many of them in terms of reading, writing, and math. And these are the year older kids. I still feel good about what we chose to do. I know he absolutely loved 1st grade and is happy he went there.

Who is to know what would have happened if we left things alone and had him go to Kindergarten? We look forward to next year where 2nd grade seems so old to a little 6 year old. I hope things will be alright.

Out of anything, I believe his gifted abilities take a more creative focus. He was always reading and writing at a very young age being that he wanted to create stories and little mini books. He found such joy in piano when he could take his reading to teach himself to read music and play.

Also ending the school year, he had his first piano recital from only 2 1/2 months of piano lessons and he was spectacular. We couldn't be more proud. If you are interested in that, here is the video:

Parent Teacher Conferences

Parent/Teacher Conferences were this week, and we have been waiting anxiously for them to see how in the world our kids have been doing. For our oldest, we were hoping to not see low grades, and for our 1st grader, we were hoping to see he is actually making it going from preschool to 1st/2nd grade.

We first met with our 3rd grader and were so surprised to see that his grades have NOT taken a terrible toll. The teacher who before had marked so many points off for him not showing all his work, or for not "labeling" his answers (i.e: word problems he got all correct, but he did not write the answer as 18 "students", or 5 "ducks"--he just wrote 18 and 5) I guess had decided to regrade the papers and allow the non-perfection. I'm not sure, but she said something about how she changed a lot of the class grades.

Oh, and as far as the timed math tests, she postponed the whole class to give them another month to pass off because no one was getting them done!

So, all this stress and worry for nothing! Well, yes, he still needs to work very hard and try to get these things done, but I guess he doesn't have to be perfect. She did say that he was the fastest reader in class at 199 words per minute. Yeah, he always surprised me as the super reader. She says he's on a 7th grade reading level. Good job for #1!

Then, off to #2's conference. This is the one we were worried about. How had this big experiment of skipping Kindergarten and going into 1st/2nd grade worked out?

We were happy to see that he had 100% scores on every single test/paper/project everything except for one 90 something %. Basically his report card was just about perfect! She said she had placed him in 2nd grade math, and he was at a 3rd grade reading level, and he was scoring most of his spelling/language arts and other stuff in the 3rd grade level.

It was OK! Our little preschooler to 1st grader has succeeded. A little part of me inside shouted "Ha! Take that all you that doubted him and thought this was a terrible idea!"

I did ask specifically about his development emotionally and socially being in the classroom with kids up to 2 years older than him, and she said he was doing fine. She said particularly all the girls loved him, 1st and 2nd graders and that they all hung around him. Hey, he can be a cute ladies man! She said he was really really quiet and hardly spoke up in class, but part of his personality is that timidness, and he hasn't done a lot of things to know what's to happen since he missed Kindergarten, but it's OK. He will be OK. This was a successful "experiment" as the district coordinators called it. It's interesting too, because the teacher advised against us skipping him, yet we did, and he's doing alright.