Social Struggles for Our Gifted Children

Look at these cute kids. They seem like pretty decent, friendly, likable kids, don't they? Well, that may be true, but what happens when they are a bit different from the other kids their age, or when they are in school with kids years older than them? How do things work out then?

Sometimes it has made me laugh how my kids have thought in the past how all kids their age or size should be interested or be able to do the same things that they can do. I remember #2 having playdates when he was 5 and just assumed that the other kids would know how to play the piano or read like him, like it was just a normal thing that every kid did. I laughed as I watched him one day asking the other child, just 4 year old what songs he played on the piano and what books he liked to read. He didn't understand that other kids didn't do these same things.

I've watched my oldest kind of regress socially at times to fit in. Before he had skipped grades he so wanted to fit in with his peers. I would watch him try to interact with other kids his age and when they were bored with all his scientific explanations or discussions on rocks, mineral, or types of insects, he would soon give up and start jumping around shouting exploding noises or just being plain annoying. I didn't understand this for a time, but it seemed to him the only way he could get kids his age to pay any attention to him. It didn't seem right though.

I watched my Kindergartner, though much more outgoing than my boys, run and say hello to every child at school calling them by name and explaining to them how to do everything and how to act and do their best while they all looked at her like, "why is this girl talking to me?"

It's been interesting. I guess my kids didn't always fit in with their peers then, but what about now that they have all skipped a grade?

Well, #1 has had an interesting year. I think he has gained a certain level of respect from the other kids just because they know he was smart enough to skip a grade. Although he may still be a little odd, which more or less comes from his Asperger's Syndrome, I believe that he is accepted as who he is and other will let him into their groups. Although I'm not sure if he has found any really close friends or developed any lasting relationships with kids at school, I do believe they all allow him to have input on their conversations and he feels happy with where he is. I am glad that with this group of peers I have not seen the need for him to act immature and stupid to get attention from these older kids. I do worry as he nears Junior High this next year that his interests will not match up to the other kids in his grade. They most likely will have started to like girls, while he is still into Pokemon, Star Wars, or legos.

#2 has always been my kind of clueless one. He just thinks everyone is his friend. What a wonderful attitude I guess, but somewhat funny that he thinks the whole school is his friend. It wasn't until his birthday party that we realized just how clueless he was. He invited so many kids and they all came, but as we watched the way they interacted, none of them but maybe 1 really cared that they were there for him. No one really wanted to play with him or talk to him. They were all happy to be at a party, yes, but they could have cared less it was his party. It was strange. But more strange was how different in personality they all were. Maybe it is just a wild bunch he is with this year, and yes they are all a year older than he, but they just wanted to run around and tear apart everything. #2 wanted to have a "piano party" but I had to talk him out of it a bit because it involved what he wanted all his friends to be around him while he played songs on the piano and I just didn't think a bunch of 8-9 year olds would care much for that.
I'm glad for his good spirits, and according to his teacher, "everyone loves him" so I don't worry, for I think he is very respected at his school just for his musical talent rather, but I hope he stays happy and thinking everyone is his friend. I do wonder how much longer can go on with his interests so different from the other kids in his class. Much younger too.

Now #3 is really different from her brothers in that she really is very social and just loves everyone. She makes friends with everyone and although sometimes surprised and questioning at first, most of the kids accept her very well and become her friend not mattering how old they are. She has seemed to be able to maintain her old Kindergarten friends which she sees at lunch recess, as well as made several new 1st grade friends. She has only been in 1st grade a couple of months and already been invited to 2 birthday parties. She seems to be doing great! It still astonishes me as I take her to these parties and her classmates are turning 7 years old while she still won't be turning 6 until the end of the school year! But they all seem to get along and they seem to be on her level. She is so happy. I am glad. I wish the boys were as social and easy going as she was.

Who is to know what will happen as the years go by. Will it really be that big of deal come junior high and high school for their age difference? For #2 and #3 who both skipped Kindergarten, I do not think it will matter as much because it will almost seem as if it always was. But for #1 who grade skipping is more recent and will enter Junior High next year as an 11 year old, it seems a little shaky. Only time will tell.

We still wait to see what is in store for our little 3 year old. Maybe we can have just 1 child be "normal" and go through school "normally". Whatever that means!

Hoping You Are Not an "Evil Mommy" while Doing What is Best for Your Gifted Child

Being the parent of a gifted child can be difficult. You are faced with so many tough decisions regarding what you should do or where you should school your child. And as you are trying to figure things out everyone else sure has their opinions to express. Often they are not so nice. This is where we begin to feel like terrible parents.

We have had to make so many decisions for our 3 gifted kids, and each time we honestly aren't sure if it is going to be the right thing. Is anyone ever positively sure?

We've tried "enhanced" curriculum or what the schools call "enrichment" to give extra work or challenge to the kids.

We've done the full time gifted program.

We've done the split grades thing.

We've tried not caring so much what they are doing at school and teaching them at home.

We've tried opening other opportunities to them outside of just academics like getting them more involved in the arts to keep them less bored.

And then in the end we've skipped all 3 of them up a grade.

Now, is this evil? Well, according to many many others, you would think we were cursing our children for life.

Just recently when deciding whether or not we should skip our daughter into 1st Grade, we got quite a lot of comments.

They would say, "Oh, you are robbing your kid's childhood!"
Now come on--how is putting my child in 1st grade "robbing their childhood"? It's not like I'm sending them to military school or making them get a job! So they go to school a little longer and do a little more challenging work at their level. Would it be better if we just let them sit home and watch tv all day? Is that giving them more of a childhood?

Or for my 10 year old who just skipped 5th grade, how many comments we received over that. There are so many people that have told us that skipping grades is absolutely the worst thing you can do to a kid and that they will surely hate us later when they are older and have such an awful social life.

Now, yes, skipping grades is a big deal, and I do look ahead and see my kids being very very young high schoolers, especially my little girl who is now in 1st grade as a 5 year old who will not turn 6 until the very end of the year. It is weird to know that she is in 1st grade right now with kids 2 years older in some cases. That's a big difference.

It's hard to see my 10 year old be in 6th grade knowing he will be in Junior High next year and seeing all the other older kids towering above him or so much more physically mature.

It's hard to see my just turned 8 year old in 3rd grade with kids that don't share the same interests as him because of his age.

So, yes, maybe I'm an evil mommy, but we really have had to weigh over all the pros and cons and when we've tried so many things, this seemed only to be the next option.

I don't believe so much that skipping your child grades will ruin them. I think every child is different and an individual.

Well, as we get the ugly looks and the murmurs behind our backs about how we did such a horrible thing to skip our kids grades, we hang on and hope that things will work out for the best. Maybe it's not the best thing to do for all children, but for our kids, we're giving it a try. True, all most parents want is to see their kids happy. With our kids, being happy has a lot to do with being challenged at school.

A Six Year Old's Writing

Yeah, he looks pretty little and cute, and along with his piano skills, our 2nd son is also a pretty good writer. For the last 2 years he has been making little "books" stapling papers together and writing stories. Now tell me, what 6 year old is writing stories with narratives and creating their own books?

I came across yet another "book" he was making. This one was a work in progress but as I read it I was surprised at how a 6 year old could actually put words into a story and be more than "My name is Joe. I like cars. The end."

"What Happened When I Woke Up" this work is titled. This is what he wrote so far:

Chapter 1 More Arms

When I woke up something weird happened. Every second I got more arms! It was so weird that I fell to the ground. In two minutes I had 120 arms! My mother fell to the ground when she saw it. She said "Oh my gosh!"

Chapter 2 Start the Search for the Cure

"What happened?" She shouted in a very very very loud voice.
"I don't know" I said.
"Then we must search for a cure right away." My mother said.

Chapter 3 Is There A Cure?

"But....oh yeah is there a cure? We are going to go around the world everywhere until we find it." I said.
"That's what I thought." My mother said.
"That's what I was going to say and we will never know there's a cure until we just look."
"OK, you're right."

Chapter 4 The Last Place to Look

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OK, so this is all he had so far and I guess it isn't the most fancy story out there, but it was pretty good for a 6 year old. I don't remember writing any stories when I was 6. We will have to see how his story ends.

Summer Math and Science Camp

Recently a gal came into my work wanting to put up a flyer advertising for a free Math and Science day camp. Free? This sounded a little too good to be true. I guess it is a private/charter school that is looking to attract new students, so sure, it was a free camp for a week.

I thought right away that my oldest would absolutely love this being that all he has been doing lately is watching the history or discovery channel. The only problem was that it was advertised for 11 to 15 year olds, and my oldest was only 9.

Hmmm.......he's smart enough. I know he would love it. So, off to camp we went this week. I told him if anyone asked him how old he was, that he was 11. Of course, my good honest son looked at me in confusion and said, "No, I'm not." And I thought. And then I said, "Well, just tell them you're smart as an 11 year old." And that was that.

After the first day I went to pick him up and the coordinator stopped me in the hallway. "So, is he home schooled?" She asked.

Hmmm......home schooled? I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult, like if that was a good thing to be or not, but she went on explaining she knew he wasn't as old as the other kids but he was so smart. She said he was in there right in the middle of the other kids doing 7th grade math and answering all the science questions as if he knew all the answers.

I guess she was just saying how she was surprised he was so smart in just a regular school setting. I told her he was in a full time gifted program, but actually when I think about it, he hasn't really learned all that he knows from school. Anything he knows is from reading or stuff he's learned at home. I know he's got that super memory where he remembers everything to the word of anything that he's ever read.

It is only day 2 of camp and he is loving every minute of it. Funny how math and science camp is the last place I'd like to be, but for my oldest one he is just in heaven. Experiments, logic, thinking, and problems are what he loves. I hope he continues to have this love and it takes him to great places.

Allowing Creativity Amongst the Genius

Our oldest has always been the one with the incredible test scores, massive memory, super smart----we've always assumed he wanted to be a scientist when he grew up. I think this is what he even told us a few times. But recently he came home and surprised us.

At school they were having a discussion on hope. They wanted the students to tell what their dreams and hopes were, and how they would be able to reach their goal. He came home with a picture of a tree that showed the roots. He said the roots were who helped support him and then on the leaves was what his goal was.

Now, what do you suppose was on this tree? No, no scientists, world leaders, doctors, computer professionals, teachers, etc. Nope. His was "I want to be a Professional Dancer." Yep.

So, I showed this to my husband who of course freaked out, silly him! I pulled him outside while he proceeded to panic and ask what we could do to defer him from thinking this is what he wanted in life. Now, it's not what you're thinking. My husband has been very accepting of our oldest's love of dance and hatred of sports. It is not because he doesn't like it, but there were 2 concerns he had:

1-"How can he do that? He is still so awkward and a little uncoordinated, he's like me! Look at me! I'm a clutz! How can he be a professional dancer?"

and

2-"He's so smart. Why would he want to go into dancing when his mind is so genius? Wouldn't he want to use that?"

OK, now before we start getting ugly ugly comments on this blog post, I want you all to calm down. And yes, I told my husband to calm down, and good grief---our son is only 9! He is 9 years old, and if he wants to be a professional dancer, then let him have that dream! He is 9! And, how do you know he isn't going to get better at dance, or maybe his coordination will improve? He's only been dancing for a year. He's just started! You can't expect Billy Elliot in one year's time.

And, yes, he is super smart, but would going into a career in dance ruin that? Would it make his mind a waste? I don't believe that.

But here's to say---what happens to those kids that parents only let them focus on the academic and never allow them to experience the arts or music? If anything, I believe giving them a chance to develop their creativity through art, dance, or music gives them more and builds them up more as a person and allows them to be more developed and smart later.

Our oldest didn't just take up dance naturally like our second son and the piano, but that doesn't mean anything. Yes, some people have a natural gift for different things, and maybe dance isn't that, but he's doing well, and he enjoys it, and if he wants to work hard enough, then I believe he can do anything he wants to in life.

Maybe it won't pan out, and maybe he won't be that good to go professional, but as a parent, I'm going to be there to support him as long as he wants. But at the same time, we will also encourage his increasing knowledge and schooling in the academic fields as well. He can go either way. Who is to know what he'll want to do 10 years from now? I'm sure there are lots of parents out there who didn't freak out when their child told them they wanted to be "cowboys" or "race car drivers" when they grew up.

And just so you know, I like cowboys, and I think it would be awesome to be a race car driver too.

Basic Electronics 101

For our oldest son's birthday, he received one of those electronic circuit lab kit things. (OK, so I'm not sure how to explain what it is, but I'm sure you can tell by the picture.)

All day long he has been creating new things with lights, sounds, or whatever else it is teaching him. It is interesting though that he comes to show me one project, but then comes again a minute later showing me how he figured out this or that to make two circuits signaling LCD? lights or what not, and he tells me that he just figured these things out himself.

I am so sad. I don't even know what he is talking about, and if you would look in the HUGE manual that he has it is like Chinese to me. And there aren't pictures or anything. I would be bored to death just reading about all these things, and yet he has been nose deep in this book for the last 3 days, and as you can see, brother is pretty excited about it too.


---Oh, and on a side note, we did meet with the district coordinator who then met with the teacher, and supposedly, things are going to become "less negative" in the classroom, but we are still keeping an eye on things and are getting an IEP organized.

How to Ground a Gifted Child

Ok, so I'm not actually looking to ground the kids, but I thought I'd just share something funny about the kids. Yes, they get in trouble for fighting and normal stuff, but one of the biggest problems we have is when they won't listen or go to bed not because they want to watch tv or play video games, but because they want to practice the piano, or read!

I have a specially hard time trying to make my kids go to bed when they are begging me to just let them practice a few more piano songs, or if they are wanting to read read read. It's like gee....why not let them stay up all night and better themselves---but I have to remember to be good and steadfast in getting them to listen even when it seems like these things are so good.

They get to bed and yet I'll still find them awake reading or one of them trying to play more piano songs in the dark. It is just so funny. It's not just bedtime, but I often need them to help out with cleaning or dinner, and they are too busy reading, or my 2nd son is so into playing the piano, that they won't obey.

What am I going to say to them? "Hey--if you don't listen I'm going to ground you from reading!" Or, "I'm going to take away the piano!" It's like I don't want to ban them from doing such awesome things, but it's funny--I'm not grounding them from the tv, or taking away their toys or video games---it's books and piano!

Such funny kids! I love how passionate they are with their music or their reading and researching. It is just so inspiring to me, and I guess I'll just have to continue being guilty of letting them get away with reading, studying, or practicing the piano a little too much.

Weird Interests of Weird Kids

Well, our first grader finally turned 6 years old, and we celebrated his birthday. Of course, it wasn't sports equipment, toys, or games that he really wanted. No......he was dying for an atlas, piano music, and science books.

There is some sort of obsession that he has with maps. I don't know what it is really. He will take the phone books with us whenever we go out and will just study the maps as I drive.

He spends hours at a time just going over maps and atlases. And then he's analyzing the phone book maps telling me that this phone book messed up because it's labeled Interstate 15 as Interstate 89 and that's wrong, and I'm thinking this boy doesn't drive, and I don't go around talking about street names or what freeway I'm driving on, so how does he even know these things?

I suppose along with his "I want to be a piano player when I grow up", that maybe he'll do something with Geography or some sort of map thing as a career.

The Odd Child Out

Maybe not for all gifted kids, but for ours, it seems like they are always the odd one out. Most boys would rather be out playing sports or more boyish things, but our 2 boys would rather be inside reading or doing something pertaining to music.

You've read about our piano player. When he's not playing the piano, he wants to sing Karaoke, and he tells me he's interested in taking gymnastics.

Our oldest gave up on sports a long time ago. He would rather read read read, play on the computer, or his latest:

DANCE!

It doesn't matter that he's the only boy in the entire dance studio, he could care less! He wanted to dance, and so we let him. He is very open about his likes and dislikes, and he doesn't care what people think. He openly tells people he could care less about sports.

Maybe that's something we all need to learn from these smart kids---that it doesn't matter what other people think, or that you don't have to do the norm.

Day after day I try to get my oldest to match his clothes, or make him change his plaid shirt from his camo pants. He asks me why?? I don't have a decent answer for him. "They don't match! " I say.

"So?" He says. "Why does it matter?" Well, I guess it really doesn't matter. It's just what the world thinks is right or wrong, but really, why does it matter??

Maybe that's part of the brilliant mind--you don't conform to what others think or do. You can make your own decisions and your own discoveries.